


Humans of Voltron

by OperaGoose



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Aliens, Alternate Universe - Canon, Bi Crisis, Bisexuality, Cownapping, Gender Confusion, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Lance-centric, M/M, Mistaken Identity, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 03:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14010843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OperaGoose/pseuds/OperaGoose
Summary: Lance is going to find a pretty alien to pilot the red lion. Even if he has to flirt his way into it.





	Humans of Voltron

**Author's Note:**

> Writing is hard. Have some trash about Aliens!Voltron and Accidentally Bi Lance.

Lance likes pretty alien girls, okay. He’s one of the last pureblood ‘humans’ left in the universe. He and his family he left on planet Valadera. Even his brother Marco had married one of the local Valaderans, and started having little human hybrids. Teaching them the mother tongue from their long-dead planet, how to weave friendship bracelets and shell necklaces, and playing dominos for pebbles. His Mamá warned him against being a Lothario - “Papito, love as many ladies as you like. But if you use them you’ll have to answer to me.”

So he grew up flirting with every pretty girl - humans, humanitas or Valaderans or visiting aliens. He’d never seen anyone as beautiful as Princess Allura.

He’d joined the pilot program and learned to fly, and one of his first trips had been to the nearby planet Arus. The Castle of Lions had opened to him, and he’d awoken the princess from her cryosleep (as well as Coran) like a real fairytale. She wasn’t interested in him yet - sure, the first thing she had said was that his ears were _hideous_. **But!** He was determined. He would win her over. 

Becoming a Paladin of the Blue Lion was step one. And he decided to stay by her side as she searched for four others. 

They found Hunk, a humanito, living on a Balmera. He was the Yellow Paladin, and he and Lance became fast friends. Despite Hunk’s size, he was an absolute sweetheart. 

Shiro they rescued from the Galra, out of the emperor’s personal arena. He became the Black Paladin. He was a pure human too, just like Lance. Well, except for the arm. Lance kinda wanted to take him home and introduce him to his Veronica.

Pidge was an Olkari, and they took to the green lion like a duck to water. They could build things with their mind, but still loved to tinker hands-deep in technology. They joined Voltron after the paladins saved Olkarion from the grips of its corrupt king and the Galran commander holding it captive. They were humanito as well, and part of their reason for joining was to find their brother and father. 

But they didn’t have Voltron yet. They were missing a paladin for the red lion.

The red lion had been found and recovered when they rescued Shiro. Okay, so the mission had been to rescue the lion, and Shiro had been thrown in as a bargain. But... “The red lion,” as Allura had explained, “is the most temperamental and volatile of all the lions. She will need a paladin who relies more on instinct, than on skill alone.” 

Allura had _really wanted_ to be the red paladin, but the lion hadn’t accepted her. So they continued to search out the red lion’s partner, searching every planet they visited. 

...

After an accident with the teladuv, the whole crew headed to an Unillu swap moon to try and find scaultrite lenses. Coran was _convinced_ that they were a bunch of shifty space pilots. But Lance and Pidge, who had actually visited the space malls before – though in their different galaxies – and knew what really to expect. 

They encouraged Hunk to quickly ditch the ‘pirate costumes’ Coran had bullied them in to, gave him some GAC to buy food, and separated to go on their own adventures. 

Lance had one goal and one goal alone: to flirt up a storm and find a pretty alien he could convince Red to choose as her pilot. 

And then there she was! 

Working at a knife stall, her back hair tied back in a ponytail, she looked grumpy as hell. _Temperamental_ , Allura had said. She had to be part Galra, he decided, with the deep purple eyes and violet markings cutting up from the neckline of her leather jacket ( _sexy!_ ) and up to her cheekbones. She had this sexy sort of androgynous beauty. Definitely a humanita, with the soft pink skin and human hands that cleaned a knife on top of the counter. 

He leaned onto the shiny metal surface and gave her his most charming look. “Hey. The name’s Lance.” 

Violet eyes narrowed at him. “Sharpening, restoration, pawning or buying?” She had a deep, sexy voice that sent shivers up his spine. 

“I’m not looking for knives,” Lance replied, fluttering his dark, curved lashes at her. “But I’ve definitely seen something I like.” 

She stabbed the knife onto the counter, in the scant millimetres between his fingers. Oh quiznak, that should _not_ have been as sexy as he found it. “I’m not validating your docking ticket or giving you a discount no matter how much you flirt with me,” she growled. 

He gave her his winning smirk. “I’m not trying to get anything out of you,” he promised. “It’s what I can do for you.” 

She gave an unimpressed little snort, but her eyes did look a little interested. It might be as basic as he was the prettiest person she’d seen in her life ( _unsurprising_ ), or that he was more interesting than the usual punks that tried to flirt with her. 

She leaned over the counter, fingers gripping the collar of his white shirt and pulling him close. So their faces were barely an inch apart. “I get off in fifteen. What did you have in mind?” 

Fifteen minutes later, with the space-juice Hunk promised anyone with a human tongue would love in hand, he waited for the knife babe by the coin fountain. 

She appeared and Lance... faltered. Maybe he’d been too quick to make an assumption. In the shaded stall of the knife shop, he’d been forced to fill in the blanks of what else she might look like beyond her fiery attitude, the gorgeous androgynous face and the lazy sensuality of her hair. 

First of all, the ponytail was gone. And replaced by... _a mullet_. And the body, though fit and dressed well, was disconcertingly masculine. Pidge might yell at him for making an assumption about gender at all, but he was starting to think his first assumption had been very wrong. 

“Hi! It’s me, Lance.” 

Hands, strong but delicate, now cupped in the supple leather of fingerless gloves, shoved into the pockets of the red leather jacket that only went down to the angular waist. “Yeah. Keith.” 

_Keith?!?!_ Oh **quiznak**!

He shoved the drink at Keith, trying to cover up his small bi panic. “Here. I brought you something to drink.” 

Deceptively soft, bowed lips closed around the straw and sucked up some of the neon-blue liquid. “Huh,” Keith commented, surprised. “My favourite.” Sticking the straw back between his lips, he regarded Lance with renewed interest. 

Oh quiznak. Quiznak, quiznak, quiznak. He’d mistakenly flirted with a gorgeous Galra-humanito and was now accidentally on a date with _a guy_.

“So,” Keith said, throwing away the empty cup. “You promised me a look at the greatest weapon in the whole universe. Don’t keep me in suspense.” 

Unable to speak, he just gestured for Keith to follow him. After a long time, in which his only interaction with Keith was the guy asking if he was going to finish his drink and silently handing it over, he made himself speak. “So... you’re a humanito, right?” 

“A what?” Keith asked, lips closed around the straw as he peered at him out of the corner of his eyes. 

“Humanito. Uh, that’s what we called them on Valadera. People with recent human ancestry,” he explained awkwardly. 

“Oh.” Keith looked him up at down, studying his hands and limbs and basic facial structure. “Are you a humanito?” 

He puffed his chest proudly. “I’m a full human.” 

“Oh.” Keith studied him again, as if finding the similarities in their species between them. “Maybe. I don’t know. I was dumped on the doorstep of an orphanage eighteen years ago.” 

He looked away, and tossed the now-empty cup towards a nearby bin. It cleared the rim perfectly. “So are you gonna show me this weapon or not?” 

“Yeah.” He led Keith back toward the docks. But they didn’t get there. Pidge and Hunk appeared, on the back of... was that an Earth-cow?! – yelling for him and Shiro. Hunk grabbed his jacket and pulled him up onto the cow, in his panic he grabbed Keith’s arm and the humanito was dragged along up onto the cow. 

“What did you do to Varkon?” Keith asked, laughing, as the mall security sped after them on a hoverbike. 

“He thinks we’re space pirates!” Pidge replied, laughing. 

They were too frantic to question the presence of a stranger, but Hunk gave Keith a grin over his shoulder. They grabbed Shiro, and Coran, and then all of them passed through the docks and left Varkon yelling after them. 

There was too much laughter in the passenger pod at first, Keith tucked between Lance and Kaltenecker. 

It wasn’t until they were back in the castle, and Allura came to meet them, that anyone seemed to notice. She scowled at Keith. “Who is this?” 

“This is Keith,” Lance introduced. “He works at the space mall.” 

Keith gave an awkward wave, half-hanging off the cow. 

“Allura!” Coran said. “I found the scaultrite lenses! And the paladins have picked up another part-human life form. And this... Kaltenecker!” He leaned in to whisper to Allura: “Kaltenecker isn’t very talkative but he’s my favourite out of all of them! Maybe he can become the new paladin of Voltron!” 

“Voltron?” Keith asked, turning to look at Lance in shock. “Wait, so when you said you wanted to show me the best weapon in the galaxy, it wasn’t a metaphor for your dick?” 

Lance felt his cheeks burn scarlet. Quiznak. “No! I really meant the lions!” 

Keith perked up, purple eyes almost sparkling with excitement. “Can I see them?” 

Turns out, he had flirted and found himself the next Red Paladin. It just hadn’t gone exactly how he planned. 

Well, Quiznak. Now he had to tell his Mamá that he liked pretty alien boys too?

**Author's Note:**

> This might become a drabble verse? Who knows.


End file.
